Adieu

Tonight is the last night that I will be sleeping in this room, in this house that I have called home for sixteen years. I’m tired, but I find myself not wanting to sleep. Its like I’m trying to make each second last as long as possible, while I’m still here. Every picture frame has come down and all that is left on my walls are the holes left behind from the nails and screws, an empty reminder of the memories that once hung there. I can’t believe this day is already here…

An era is ending for me and I’m finding it to be bittersweet. It is the realization that I really cannot stay young forever. At some point, all kids have to grow up.

I have reservations. I am worried that I will fall flat on my face and I will struggle to make ends meat. I’m fearful that I will be homesick and crave the days of just lounging around the house with my family. Jarring with my dad, banter with my sister, and long talks with my mom. Its so funny how these moments are so often taken for granted, and now faced with the reality that I wont be able to experience these moments as often has my heart in mourning. Perhaps all my apprehension is just fear of the unknown, or fear of change.

Another part of me is excited. While I sacrifice the security of living with my family and the unconditional love and support, there is one thing I will be gaining in return by moving out… and that is freedom. The freedom to not only come and go as I please, or to stay out late, but the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them. There are a lot of things I will have to learn how to do on my own which I am excited about.

I bid a sorrowful, yet hopeful goodbye to this room, to this house, to this home. To every tear cried, song sung, and awkward joke cracked by the mouth of my dad… I will miss you…. And I’ll see you every Sunday for family dinner.