Sweet baby Hayes

One whole week ago my life became more beautiful and complete in a way that I never could have imagined. I fretted over responsibilities and sacrifices leading up to the birth of my baby all the while trying to dream of the tiny little being that I was told would be worth all of it.

January 13th, 6:30 AM

I had been feeling some severe pains on my right side. I was certain it wasn’t labor pain because of the location of the pain but that knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less. There wasn’t a position I could lay down in that would alleviate the pain and walking or standing was near impossible. I text Tycen and told him how much I was hurting and he took it upon himself to look up possible diagnoses for my predicament. The thing about looking up ailments on WebMD is all the answers are death and destruction. I told Tycen that although I was in a lot of pain that I thought it was normal and the pain I was experiencing wasn’t one of the “3 reasons to go to the hospital” that my doctor had described.

He produced the possible diagnosis that I had a potential rupture or a tear in my placenta which would mean the baby would be losing oxygen and could suffer irreparable harm or worse, death… yeah, that was enough to get me out of bed and on my way to the hospital. I woke my mom up and had her drive me there. Tycen cut out of work an hour early to meet us. I had already had a false alarm visit to the hospital a week or two before so I was really hoping this visit would prove to be the real thing and not another oopsy.

We got all checked in and the nurse hooked me up to the monitors and there it was, my baby’s heartbeat, going strong as ever. In all honesty I really didn’t think I needed to be there. The pain I was feeling was something the doctor told me to expect, all those abdominal walls being stretched out can and will cause some sharp, shooting sensations. After all the scary things Tycen had read online though I was still pretty relieved that everything was okay. The good news was my baby was healthy and doing just fine but the bad news was my cervix hadn’t budged a centimeter in the two hours I was there so they wouldn’t admit me. Once again I would make the walk of shame out the hospital and have gotten my family all worked up again for no reason, embarrassing...

All the more frustrating was that I had my final appointment with my doctor later that morning. I had hoped my little surprise visit to the ER would mean I would be exempt from another invasive check up but alas my doctor still wanted to see me, protocol I suppose. Because of all the running around that morning I never got much sleep, I was so exhausted, that and I had been experiencing braxton hicks contractions all day…

January 14th, 4:00 AM

I woke up to some serious pain in my hips, lower back, and groin. The pain was very reminiscent of the pain I had felt a couple weeks before, it was a pain that had me convinced I was in labor but alas I was sent home from the hospital that time as well. I let Tycen know that I was hurting because hey, dads need to be informed of that kind of stuff. I was able to move around a little bit and get back to sleep.

9:30 AM

I couldn’t sleep any longer. The pain was radiating and it was getting to be rhythmic. I could expect moments of reprieve but then the pain would come back. I hurried and downloaded a contraction timer app and began timing the waves of pain. My intervals were all over the place. Sometimes the pain would come in 10 minutes, followed by more in 8, then again in 7, then next up to 15, then back down to 8, ect. Allll over the place. Since the timing wasn’t exact I didn’t want to make much of a fuss, especially where I had already gone to the hospital for a false alarm the day before, so I went about my business that day.

I got a phone call from my doctor’s office letting me know that they had scheduled an induction for me for the following week on the 20th, inwardly I laughed. There was no way this kiddo was waiting until then. I spent most of the day in bed pretending that I wasn’t having contractions, I resented and refused the humiliation of being sent home again. I did get brave enough at one point to go to Walmart with my mom, luckily I got to push the cart so whenever the pain came I had something there to help me stand.

I told Tycen about the pain I was in, his level of concern mimicked mine. He asked if my water had broken and I told him it hadn’t, but I kept praying it would because the pain was getting harder and harder to deal with.

7:30 PM

My mom had had it. Where all afternoon she had thought me to be napping as I silently endured each wave of excruciating pain, by that evening I had begun to whimper and cry through my torment. She insisted I get in the car with her and go to the hospital. I pleaded with her that  I couldn’t handle one more painful yet fruitless pelvic exam. I had begun to doubt my cervix would ever let my baby out. My mom reasoned that our first trip to the hospital was my call and the second trip to the hospital was daddy’s call, well this third trip to the hospital was her call and she didn’t care if it came on the heels of a visit the day before.

I told Tycen that we were headed to the hospital fortunately he wasn’t at work at the time so he met us there. Once he saw how much pain I was in I think he started taking this little trip to the hospital more seriously. Things were so tense. I was worried about being sent home, my mom was worried about being the reason for dragging me to the hospital, and Tycen was worried about whether or not he would have to try and get his graveyard shift covered that evening. All our spirits were dampened even more when the nurse came in to check my cervix and I was still sitting at a lousy 2 cm, just like I had been the day before.

“And your water hasn’t broken?” She asked. I shook my head because I thought it hadn’t. From what I knew about the water breaking is it is gooey and thick, not like the actual consistency of water. I was in pain but I hadn’t had that fail proof sign I was in active labor, which was lousy because if my water had broken they would admit me regardless of my stubborn cervix.

The nurse was so sweet and she felt my plight, I was obviously having contractions and I was clearly suffering some serious pain but their policy would not allow them to admit me unless my cervix dilated one more centimeter. We had gone through this motion before, two hours of sitting there waiting for something to happen, only to be checked again to discover that nothing was happening. After how the two previous visits to the hospital went Tycen was visibly frustrated and I don’t think it helped that he had to watch me suffer in so much pain.

“Can’t you guys just induce her?”

The nurse explained that since this was my first pregnancy that hospital protocol prohibited them from inducing me prior to 40 weeks gestation… her explanation sent us all into a near rage, my due date was the next day! Literally, 3 more hours and I would be 40 weeks gestation! It was maddening to know that there was nothing they could do. The nurse suggested we go for a walk.

Tycen and I were determined to get this baby out. They unhooked the monitors, gave me another gown, and we walked. In circles we walked and walked and walked. The walking had helped regulate my contractions. Like clockwork every 4 minutes I would stop, grab onto the railing and get really quiet, just breathing, once the pain subsided we would continue walking. I mostly talked about food. I was so incredibly hungry but with all the pain I had been in throughout the day I just hadn’t managed to sit down and eat much. I talked all about the things I wanted to eat and it didn’t help that every so often on our rounds we would pass the nurses station where they were eating something that smelled incredibly delicious. Periodically Tycen demanded I stop and do some deep squats, which lets be honest, at 39.6 weeks gestation was not fun, but whatever it took.

The moment of truth came when we had arrived back at my room and the nurse had come back in to check my cervix. It was silent as each of us were praying that this was it. One single tiny insignificant metric system centimeter was all that was standing between my relief and my humiliation… SUCCESS! We were at a 3! WE WERE GOING TO HAVE OUR BABY!

11:45 PM

They escorted me to my new room, the room that I would be delivering my baby in. Even though the contractions were still coming on very strong, I felt so much relief knowing that I wasn’t going home and that soon I would get the epidural and could get some rest. After all the past 48 hours I hadn’t gotten much sleep. The room was massive and I mean, MASSIVE. I asked if all their birthing suites were that large and they told me they only had two rooms that big, I was lucky enough to get one of them.

The pain was getting worse and I was aching for that blessed epidural. At one point during my pregnancy I had entertained the idea of going naturally, but we had done little to prepare for that. I applaud any woman who has delivered naturally because the contractions alone were killing me, I couldn’t imagine how much worse the pain could be to feel everything as you push a baby out… uhg.

We sat there listening to the heartbeat on the monitor and they began hooking me up to IV’s when there was a knock on the door, I was so excited because I thought it was the anesthesiologist. Oh the disappointment I felt at seeing my mom, although I know Tycen was glad to see her, she had returned with his food. He got Del Taco and I got ice chips…. yay…

I got my epidural shortly thereafter but even with a numb lower half I still couldn’t sleep. How could anyone sleep really? Well actually, Tycen slept, but for only about an hour or two. I laid there just thinking about how much everything was going to change. I wondered if I could handle it. I kept thinking of this little human inside me that I was finally going to be able to meet.

Every other hour a nurse would enter the room to check on my vitals as well as my baby’s. There were a couple times the baby’s heart rate dropped which was another reason I couldn’t sleep, I wanted to make sure everything was okay. The nurses changed my position and that seemed to fix the problem. From there on out it was just a very anxious waiting game.

January 15th, 5:00 AM

I was exhausted and my voice had become raspy. I’m so glad I had made the decision to get the epidural because had I not I think I would have been in labor for 3 days and I’m certain when it came time to push I wouldn’t have had any ounce of strength to do so. All I wanted to do was sleep. The nurse came in to check me and measured me at 5 cm, it seemed as though the petocin was working its magic and moving things along nicely.

6:00 AM

The nurse came in and checked me and measured me at 10 cm. I’ll never forget the look on Tycen’s face, it was a mix of terror and panic. The nurse calmed him and by letting him know that while I was at a 10, the baby was only at grade 1 or something to that effect. Basically the baby hadn’t quite dropped into full blown birthing position yet which meant more and more waiting. Although occasionally they would have me do some practice pushes in order to get the baby to drop down into a more “ready” position for when my doctor arrived.

8:45 AM

A nurse I hadn’t seen came in with a table full of instruments followed by a rolling vessel for my baby… my heart was racing because I knew it was going to happen soon. That breathing and pushing, I’d seen it on movies and TV shows, I’d heard about it from family and friends, and now it was my turn. I felt anxious and excited but I felt scared and unsure. There is no going back, this is going to happen and I hope to high heaven I can do this.

9:00 AM

My doctor had arrived. She joked and laughed about how she had a feeling that scheduling my induction date would help move things along and sure enough it had! I asked her how often babies are born on their actual due date and she estimated roughly 5% of the time. Wow. What a lucky little babe!

9:15 AM

My doctor was all ready to go. Tycen was by my side, coaching me as was my doctor, to bear down and push through each contraction. I held my breath and did what I thought was pushing, honestly, I couldn’t feel anything so I had no idea. This was it. The nurses all knew that we didn’t want to know the gender of our baby so they all promised not to say anything and to just have my doctor hold our baby up and show us so we could see for ourselves. A second contraction came, I held my breath and pushed and pushed and pushed. My baby’s head was coming out at a weird angle which was slowing things down, but my doctor was certain that this third contraction we would have our baby out. Three more big pushes and I heard a cry.

9:32 AM

In my doctors gloved hands I saw a bloody, messy, screaming baby… a little boy. I sobbed.

I had hired a photographer to capture all these moments in the delivery room and bless her for doing what she does because I cherish all the pictures. In my head I was going to have perfect hair and make up and I would have a serene look on my face. Instead I had bags under my eyes from three sleepless nights, a sweaty messy bun, and in nearly every picture I’m ugly crying. Not blissful tears, oh no, I was sobbing like a little baby that whole morning. Tycen wasn’t fighting off the tears either, he wanted a little boy so bad and there he was, our little baby boy. He was swollen, bloody, and had a cone shaped head, but he was perfect there laying on my chest as they cleaned him up. January 15th, 9:32 AM, 8 lbs 1 oz, 20 ½ inches, Hayes Bryan PoVey made his way into this world.

In an attempt to quell all my fears and anxieties about motherhood I would often dream of the little person that resided in my belly. The perfect little person I dreamt up doesn’t even come close to how wonderful my sweet little baby boy is. My baby is so much more than perfect and somehow the word love as powerful and encompassing as it is, seems to fall short of expressing what I feel for this tiny human. I watch him sleep and I cry when I think about how much I love him. My whole world is forever changed. Its incredibly challenging right now. I’m running on fumes most days and I’m still trying to recover from the trauma that is delivery, but I would never in a million years go back to the life I had before him. I feel so lucky that I was picked to be this little boys mommy… I am not just someone's mommy, I am his mommy. Now it finally is a happy mothers day.