Finally feeling ready

I can feel it, the end is nigh. That is to say the end of this pregnancy anyhow. I haven’t felt an overwhelming feeling to nest. I’ve collected things, gathered items, and rearranged my room, none of which was frenzied and all took place sporadically. Tonight it hit me though. I was overcome by this feeling that I didn’t have enough baby clothes. Luckily for me and my credit card the feeling has come late at night, prohibiting me from hitting up all the baby apparel shops. Although if I wake up feeling this same way I don’t know that my money will be safe.

It is this overwhelming sensation that has me believing I am in my final nesting stages and that this baby is coming soon. I am torn between the part of me that is so ready for this baby to be out of me and the small part of me that doesn’t feel ready for the undertaking that is motherhood. I have had many women tell me to enjoy this special time when baby is nestled safe in my tummy, cautioning that I’ll miss it when its over.

Sometimes it feels impossible to enjoy being pregnant, especially at 38 weeks. I miss feeling like my body was my own and like I have control over it. There seem to be a lot of things my body does these days that all I can do is shrug my shoulders at. I miss exercising and I mean real exercising, not this whimpy walking crap. I can’t wait to start seriously lifting again and pushing my body to the limit. I miss being able to shave my legs and put on my shoes without a struggle, hell I miss being able to actually wear most of my shoes. I miss fitting into my clothes, my cute clothes. Buying clothes and dressing up used to be fun, lately it just kind of feels like, “well this is as good as its gonna get.” I miss sleeping on my tummy and I miss being able to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. And sushi… oh how I have missed sushi.

If I had to think about the things I would miss about being pregnant… hmm… Well I will miss all the junk food. I’ve been pretty strict with what I’ve eaten for years now. I limit the amount of times that I partake in scrumptious high caloric delights, but being pregnant? Suffice it to say I can eat a whole package of Oreos and not feel an ounce of guilt. I feel a lot of this guiltless eating is due in part to the other thing I’ll miss. Right now is the only time in my life it is socially acceptable for me to gain weight. Seriously. I pack on the pounds and no one even bats an eye. I get told all day how cute I am or how small I look, the fact I’ve steadily gained weight for 9 months and I’m still getting compliments is astounding!  While I’m talking about food and gaining weight, I am going to miss midnight snacks. Nothing has helped me sleep better than a full belly right before bedtime. I am not looking forward to going to bed hungry. Oye, dieting.

I’ll miss my little baby moving around in my tummy. I remember moments laying there and worrying because I hadn’t felt a movement in a while, right on cue my little wiggle worm would stretch, kick or punch. The first movements were so distinct and Tycen couldn’t feel them at first. I would always reach for his hand when I felt the baby moving, hoping he would finally feel it. For weeks he couldn’t feel anything and was convinced I was making all the movements up. One morning I grabbed his hand before he could say anything and put it right on my tummy and he felt it, he felt the baby kick.

I bid a fond farewell to all the aches and pains, the weight gains, and the constant need to pee. Adios to hot flashes, breathlessness, and unrelenting heartburn. Sayonara runny nose, itchy skin, and swollen feet. I will probably miss being pregnant, like all the other pregnant women before me have warned me about, but I will gladly say goodbye to being pregnant because that means I get to finally meet this little person that I have known all along. I’m ready sweet baby, I’m finally ready… at least until my water breaks, then I’m sure I’ll fall back into terror!