I’ve grown up with the belief that people are generally good. That born so deep in our being is this intuitive nature to be good to others, be honest, and look out for each other, and why shouldn’t? We’re all in this life together, helping each other out and making each others burdens light should be a priority, it is through each other that prayers can be answered.
Maybe its this idealistic belief about mankind that has me so bewildered as to why people can be so cruel to one another. Beyond the realm of coexisting with humans is that bond between friends or kindred spirits that I hold sacred in my heart but have found to be a title of no worth to others.
What does it really mean to be a friend? Are my values of honesty and integrity so far out of reach that I’m really holding a standard no one calling themselves my friend can meet?
I like to think that I am a good friend, but the only way my mind can make sense of the betrayal I’ve met is to wager that maybe I am not that good of a friend, maybe I deserve being lied to and taken advantage of.
Regardless of why this is happening, at the end of the day I really only have myself to blame. Either I am a terrible person who deserves to be treated terribly, or I am just simply a fool for trusting people who are untrustworthy.
My heart hurts. I feel betrayed. I feel foolish. I feel stupid. I feel insignificant. I feel like a complete moron for those moments I ever sat on my knees and expressed gratitude for the people in my life, because I don’t need people like that in my life.
The only solace I can find is that at least I can say I learned something. I will try and be the best kind of friend I can be to others and then hope its enough to have similar behaviors reciprocated… I guess at the end of the day integrity does not beget integrity.
About Me
- Noelle Lani
- Life should be lived as play according to the phiolsopher Plato and me? I happen to agree. I am a very social person, I almost don't know how to communicate without flirting with people. I enjoy kicking back and spending a night in, but I'm also known for heading out for a night on the town, or just a midnight jaunt to the jungle gym. I believe that life is too short to be angry all the time, but you might often hear me complaining about some life stress. I think I just like to get things off my chest so I can move forward. Sometimes I write really dreary things because its easier and safer to be sad at the helm of my laptop, truly I am a happy person. I aim to be the life of the party, if I can get the crowd laughing and having a good time, then my work is done. It is my hope that my writing means something. I write because it makes me feel better, but at the end of the day if sharing one of my experiences can help someone else not feel so alone or help them learn from my mistakes, then I've created something worth while.
