2013: I Can

So this is one of those blogs where I don’t feel like writing something pretty. Today I just feel like I need to write something, get some thoughts out on paper (or a big white screen that looks like paper). So if you’re reading this, don’t anticipate anything mind blowing. Today is just me.

Today is January 13^th. I’ve been mulling over what my new years resolution would be for weeks now. You’d think by the first of the month I would have come up with something but it just seemed like there were so many something’s that needed some resolute in my life that I couldn’t quite hunker down on one.

For starters I have been saying for years that I wanted to compete in a body building competition and yet, haven’t quite gotten there. I also quit my job right before the holidays, so that’s kind of a big deal that needs fixing. Then there is my poor… very VERY poor relationship status. Yes yes, lots of things in my life need change… but then I realized something today. Perhaps it is not these circumstances in my life or these pieces of my life that need to change, but maybe it is me. Maybe I need to just make one change deep within myself.

I want 2013 to be the year of “I Can”. I’ve had this sensation lately that I am a severe under-achiever. Its not that great of a feeling in case anyone was wondering. I have had a few different individuals praise me lately, raving about my abundant talents and gifts. I know the intent was to uplift me and make me feel good about myself, but a reverse effect followed. I began to feel like I have been underutilizing these faculties that have been given to me. I get by on what I have… but have I really lived up to my full potential? Have I really left a mark on anyone? This loathsome feeling could be contributed to the fact I have been hold up in my room for a few weeks doing nothing but watching cartoons all day, but either way, I have little to show for my 26 years here on earth.

I live at home with my parents. I am not financially stable enough to live on my own. I don’t see me getting out of debt anytime soon. I’m not married, I’ve never even had anyone ask me to marry them. I’m not even in a relationship. I’ve never been out of the country. Yearly I travel down to Lake Powell, but that’s about it. The only noteworthy thing I have done in all these 26 years is I did get a bachelor’s degree, that was kinda cool… but then I remember that the bachelor’s degree is the new high school diploma and suddenly that one thing I did do no longer seems as cool, especially since I’ve yet to land a job with this degree of mine. I just got my old job back, waiting tables. The worst of it is all of these things in mind and I’m still pretty content… and that I find to be most alarming.

I have been working really hard to be grateful for my life over the past few months because I know that an attitude of gratitude is a means to finding happiness. It is the ability to find a silver lining that has gotten me through some recent hard times… but I feel like I have just been awakened. While I have done a good job of staying positive I feel as though I have truly missed the mark. I have simply rolled over and accepted my life as it is, albeit I am thankful for it, I don’t know that contentment in mediocrity is the best way of showing my gratitude.

Which is why this year I am going to stop saying “I can’t.” I am doing myself a disservice. I am doing my loved ones a disservice. I am doing mankind a disservice. Above all I am doing my gracious Father in Heaven a disservice. There is potential for me to be so much and make so much more of all the things that I have. I don’t have everything worked out, in fact, I don’t know that I have a specific game plan for how I’m going to go about reaching my potential. All I know is that big changes are coming and I’m going to get things done this year simply because… I can.