Get to

Over the past few years I have grown to believe that our attitude and perspective are what ultimately shape our realities.  Far gone are the days in which I wallow, allowing myself to become sick with sadness or grief especially when viewing the same scene from a different angle can change everything.

Not too long ago I was having a conversation with someone, mostly small talk.  He asked me something, something I think I’m asked every single day, but it was the way he asked that helped me realize something pretty profound.  “Do you get to work today?”

You see that.  In one single word, I suddenly felt privileged to go to work.  Yup. I felt privileged to throw on that dirty old shirt and apron and wait tables.  Its funny because most days its just something I have to do, but getting to leaves such an implication of gratitude.  Have to and get to.  Have to leaves you with a taste of obligation, its a chore.  Having to do anything makes it sound painful, as though it is against your will.  Get to… that is an opportunity.

Its been interesting to see how applicable this simple concept is, especially having gone through some turmoil recently. I have a tendency to blame myself when relationships don’t work out.  I’ve always had this knack for finding something I did wrong somewhere at some point.  This last one has had me rather perplexed. Now I can’t say that I was perfect, because I wasn’t nor will I ever be.  But for the first time in my life, in all my lost relationships, I was having a hard time figuring out where it was I went wrong.  Its been in this idea of ‘get to’ that has helped me see not necessarily where I went wrong, but maybe where he did.

I had always looked at him with the eyes of ‘get to.’  I get to see him today.  I get to text him.  I get to hear from him.  I get to spend time with him.  I get to kiss him.  For just a moment in time, I get to have him.

I like to believe that as least for a short time he looked at me with those same eyes, but as time went on things gradually began to change.  I have to text her.  I have to hang out with her tonight.  I have to talk to her.  I have to pay attention to her.  I have to tell her she’s pretty.

What once was a retreat, had suddenly become a cage, a release turned into a burden.  This one single solitary word, the ‘have’ in ‘have to’.  It shadows any light.  It transforms qualities into flaws.  It shades any ounce of hope and joy into a job, a workload and just one more thing to have to worry about.

I don’t blame him for us not working out.  I mean, maybe I do a little bit, but I think as elusive and frustrating as the sentiment that “time heals all wounds” can be, the same cliché that “timing is everything,” is equally yet annoyingly true.  Perhaps at a different time in his life or a different time in mine, we would have been more prepared for one another, in such a way that our time together would always be a reprieve from the trials of life and never an encumbrance.

I’m going to make it a goal for the next little while to replace all my have’s with get’s.  The fact of the matter is, is I don’t have to do anything… but I do I get to.

I get to go to the gym.  I get to eat healthy.  I get to work.  I get to make money.  I get to pay bills. I get to go out on dates. I get to, I get to, I get to...