Like a virus you plague me. Love is a sickness that I liken to a bacterial infection. With the proper tender, love, and care (and maybe some antibiotics) I can overcome the sickness. I can get better. I can move one. But with you it is different.
You are ever present in my heart and in my mind. Like the virus that you are there are times when I feel fine, when I feel as though I have escaped the hold you have on me, but that is when you are dormant and hiding within the farthest reaches of my heart. All it takes is a moment of weakness for that sickness to resurface and once more I will find myself incapable of evading the haunting memories. My senses are bombarded with things that reminds me of you. Everywhere I go I see places that we used to frequent, each one holding a unique story that can be recalled without much effort. I hear songs playing on the radio that we used to sing loudly and terribly in between fits of laughter. I can still smell that cologne I helped you pick out from the department store.
Like any virus there are triggers. There are certain circumstances in which the particular ailment thrives and flares up. How I wish I knew what caused me to lament this way because if I knew what was prompting such nostalgia and sorrowful longing, then I could better protect myself from it. I could prevent these episodes of sickness… and maybe then we could be friends.
I’ve tried every remedy I can think of. I thought maybe seeing you or even being near you was the source of all the sickness in my heart, so I tried removing you from my life, but that only seemed to make things worse. Then I tried doses of medicine in the form of dating new people, and in true medicine form, it helped alleviate some of the symptoms and I felt better for a little bit, but did it kill the virus? Not even close. I even tried a bigger disease, maybe one that would be more potent than the virus you have inflicted within me, but that effort backfired and I found my heart aching for two persons instead of just one.
You are my virus, the illness for which my heart perpetually pangs for. As with any virus there is no cure. The only thing I can do is get used to this aliment, accept the fact it wont ever go away, and do my best to keep myself healthy and happy in between the bouts of sadness and yearning. Sometimes I wonder what you would do if you knew how sick you made me…
About Me
- Noelle Lani
- Life should be lived as play according to the phiolsopher Plato and me? I happen to agree. I am a very social person, I almost don't know how to communicate without flirting with people. I enjoy kicking back and spending a night in, but I'm also known for heading out for a night on the town, or just a midnight jaunt to the jungle gym. I believe that life is too short to be angry all the time, but you might often hear me complaining about some life stress. I think I just like to get things off my chest so I can move forward. Sometimes I write really dreary things because its easier and safer to be sad at the helm of my laptop, truly I am a happy person. I aim to be the life of the party, if I can get the crowd laughing and having a good time, then my work is done. It is my hope that my writing means something. I write because it makes me feel better, but at the end of the day if sharing one of my experiences can help someone else not feel so alone or help them learn from my mistakes, then I've created something worth while.
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