Happenstance

I am doing my very best
To be as strong as I can
To pretend that I am happy
And not let you see my hand

I make believe I’m selfless
That I can put my needs aside
It’s the righteous thing to do
My true feelings I will hide

I will wear a smile
And others will believe
I’ve dusted myself off again
That I’m back to being me

Any inkling that I’m suffering
To others I’ll dismiss
You and them will never know
That anything’s amiss

I’ll wish you every happiness
While I writhe inside
Begging mercy from my maker
To let me leave this life

I’ll dream of those three words
So carelessly you spoke
While I stuff away the heartache
And every sob I choke

In daylight I will mask the pain
The waking world will not see
The misery that suffocates
And steals the air from me

Once in the sanctuary of my room
Covers pulled up nice and tight
I’ll relinquish all control
And surrender to the fight

The tremors devouring strength
Self loathing will consume
Every ounce of will I’ve left
To never burden you

A fool I’m left to drown
In the tears of happenstance
It was but a silly dream
To think I stood with Chance…