Or

I feel out of control. There are so many aspects of my life where I am just sitting on the sidelines watching. I am the spectator watching a struggling player on a field and thinking, “I could do better than her,” only to discover that player is in fact myself. I know I can do better and I know I can be better, yet I find myself helplessly falling into my habits every single day. Every night I lay my head on the pillow with the thought that tomorrow is a new day, a fresh start where I can start making the changes in my life.

Every day is a disappointment in which I find some way to let myself down. I make all these agreements with myself that I can never seem to keep. I want so much to be a better student. I want to eat healthier and exercise more. I want to learn to play the drums and I want to get out of debt. Somewhere between procrastination and lazy is where all my problems dwell. If I took half the amount of time I spent laying around and I applied it toward studying, exercising, or preparing myself a healthy meal, I could begin to accomplish some of my goals.

Laziness is only half of the problem, the other half is my weakness for procrastination. I always find that each hour that comes along could be spent towards achieving my goals or… and that’s just it. Or. Or is what gets me. There is something always much more appealing on the other end of or. I could study or I could watch some TV. I could go to the gym or I could take a nap. I could prepare and eat a healthy meal or I could pick up some fast food on the way home. I could save money and help pay off my debt or I could spend it on something I don’t need. Or. Or. Or. Or.

I have read somewhere that it helps to write goals down. I don’t know how it helps, but at this point it is worth a try. I have long term goals but I think for now focusing on the short term ones and accomplishing them first might be pertinent in helping me achieve those more distant ones.

1. I want better sleeping habits. I need to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. This means no TV past 9:00 and ideally, lights out at 10.

2. I want to eat better. I am going to wean myself off of soda, but for now I am going to stop eating fast food, candy, desserts, and junk food in general. This is somewhat extreme so I will allow myself a “free day,”… Friday or Saturday should work, one or the other but not both.

3. I want to exercise regularly and by regularly I mean every day except Sunday. Even if it’s a short run after school or if it’s a full out weight lifting session, I need to work out every day.

4. I want to be better spiritually. After I was baptized I didn’t go a single day without saying my prayers or reading my scriptures, but I have fallen off that and I want to get back to it.

5. I want to get better grades. I need to study more. My plan for this is going to the library up on campus or studying with my friends. I’ve realized that studying cannot occur in my room because I have access to far too many or’s. I need to write things down in my planner and stick to them.

I think five goals and plans for execution are sufficient for now. Tomorrow is Wednesday, its almost 4 and I have every intention of being up at 5:30 to go work out. Sure, it isn’t Monday and it isn’t the start of a new week, but it is the start of a new day. I can be better and I will be better.